Monthly Archives: January 2011
Stuck.
| January 28, 2011 | Filled under Random Thoughts |
This morning my car is snowed in. I guess I should have been out there defending it yesterday while everyone was shoveling off their cars – they all decided to dump behind my car and when the plow came through…well, yeah. I never thought I’d need a shovel living in an apartment complex, but I probably could have thought about it for all of 10 seconds and realized the fallacy in that line of thinking.
While I wait for my mother to come pick me up – because, yes, I used all of my vacation time being sick – I thought I’d share some more random thoughts from this week.
- Why is it impossible to find a legitimate career that allows you to work from home? Whenever I look I see a bunch of jobs that are listed as “work from home” and they usually end up being shady schemes. And yet, I know there are plenty of people who work from home doing “real” work. I assume from this that the jobs where you can actually work from home doing something that will legitimately pay your bills and add to your resume are not listed as “work from home” opportunities. Which, I can understand given that those listing always seem so shady. But I would imagine that in this day and age the number of jobs that allow you to work remotely should be increasing. Which means they have to be out there somewhere – but where? I’m filing this under “Things to contemplate at a time when getting any real job is much easier.”
- People who say mean things to my dog automatically go on my bad list. I know he doesn’t understand what you’re saying, but I sure do and I think you’re a jerk.
- Add to that bad list the people who make sweeping generalizations, realize that includes you, and then try to explain why you “don’t count.” Example: “I hate tall people. Um, but not you cause you’re tall but you’re not like other tall people. It’s just that most other tall people I know do x, y, and z, which I hate.” Obviously I made that example up, but you can see what I’m getting at, right?
- I legitimately am going to start sending e-mails like this. My love for making lists is just going to take over my life, little by little. But if you’ve ever gotten an e-mail from me you might actually appreciate this format because I ramble and rant in e-mails like…well, I don’t know what to compare them to. Maybe a runaway freight train. Or a mac truck. Which reminds me of about 4 e-mails I have to send.
You might think I’d be depressed about learning that I’ve used up all of my vacation time, but I’m not. I’m just bummed I can’t pull a 24-hour shift to make up some lost time.
And my Mom is here to pick me up. Like a rockstar. (I meant me, not my mom, but she totally is for driving out here to get me. Good grief.)
Happy Friday!
Feeling Worm-y
| January 26, 2011 | Filled under Random Thoughts |
I’m the kind of girl who likes to fall asleep in a book. There’s nothing more wonderful to me than doing the head-bob right into blurry black typeface. It’s a comforting ritual, a little indulgence I like to give myself every night. Some nights I’m able to read for longer than others. Most nights, however, I’m too exhaused to get much further than a page. Yes, one page. Which leaves me consuming books at an all-but glacial pace. Or maybe that’s the definition of glacial?
Being sick, however, has allowed me more time than usual to read. When I have actual “awake” time to read I am voracious. I burn through books like I’m being chased (I blame that failed metaphor on my illness). It doesn’t help that I’m in love with Young Adult fiction which is generally a faster read anyway.
But, so, here are some of the books I’ve been through lately and a look at the books I’m about to read:
The Mortal Instruments Series by Cassandra Clare – I was determined to hate these books (because of certain plot twists that I don’t want to give away). But I can’t help it, I love them. These books have vampires, werewolves, fairies, warlocks, and best of all – shadowhunters, an offshoot class of the human race who are specially trained to fight demons all while keeping the regular humans (or mundanes) from knowing that any such things exist. Which is why it’s not just a little awkward when the main character discovers she’s a shadowhunter whose mother kept all of those things a secret from her for 15 years. Serious drama (and minor hilarity) ensue. And yes, there’s a boy involved.
I just reread those three books, and since I loved them so much I’ll be picking up the first book in the Infernal Devices series, Clockwork Angel (also by Cassandra Clare). This series is about the same thing, but takes place before the Mortal Instruments series. There’s some overlap of characters, but Cassandra Clare says you can read them separately and not miss anything majorly crucial. There will be a total of 9 books in the shadowhunter set when Clare is done with the series.
For a complete and total change of pace from the Young Adult fantasy/sci-fi/paranormal stuff I often go for – and because they’re making a movie out of it, I decided to read Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen. This is definitely not the kind of book I would pick up on my own but I like to read books before I see the movie version and it came highly recommended. I read this book in two days and would never read it again.
Yes, the descriptions of animal abuse and the working conditions in the depression/prohibition era circus are abysmal. I also really struggled to connect with the narrator. Still, the story is like a proverbial train wreck – I couldn’t make myself look away.
Next up:
The Betrayal of Natalie Hargrove by Lauren Kate
Fallen by Lauren Kate
Beautiful Creatures by Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl
Matched by Ally Condie
Fever Dreams
| January 25, 2011 | Filled under Random Thoughts |
The past 48 hours have been a blur of colors accompanied by sweats and shortness of breath. Exhausted, I move from my bed to the couch and back again. Rinse, lather, repeat.
There is a singularly pathetic kind of weakness that strikes mid-fever. For me it’s the “I feel sorry for myself and want my mom” phase. This is where Mom is supposed to swoop in and make it all better. Like she has the power to press an easy button and literally remove all symptoms- as well as the dirty laundry, dirty dishes, etc, etc. etc. Only right now it’s doubly indulgent because I can’t have my mom because she’s going through chemo and I am contagious. Double win on the “feeling sorry for yourself” front.
We’ll go next to my favorite stage of the fever. As if the “feeling sorry for myself” phase weren’t dramatic enough, the next stage is even worse. By which I mean better. It’s the stage where the paranoia sinks in. This kind of fear knows no bounds. The thoughts come and go, each one more ridiculous than the last but always ending up in the same place: I must be dying but I can’t tell anyone but I need to tell someone so no one has to be the one to find me because I can’t put anyone through that kind of agony so I can’t tell anyone but…
The cyclical, nonsensical line of thinking usually dissolves into a fitful sleep.
I wake up, realize my body is still tense. Try to relax. Fall back to sleep.
This is when the dreams begin. There are so many colors and faces and strange patterns that appear. People I know, people I don’t know. The things I watch on TV, or read in books start appearing – all mixed in with bits from real life and actual people. These dreams are more strange than normal dreams – and far more interesting, in my mind.
But of course, you know all that because you were there. And you were there. And you were there. And you were there. And you…
I won’t miss the fevers. But I just might miss the dreams.
Facebook and Twitter: Written in the Stars?
| January 24, 2011 | Filled under Social Media |
Back in the day I had the luxury of a non-existant twitter following and could post about whatever I want. Much like when my blog life was devoid of a devoted and patient following, the quality of the things I shared was…lacking.
Then I had the chance to link my Facebook and Twitter accounts. I loved it – but I stopped tweeting so much because the constant stream of updates seemed like a sure way to annoy my friends. And it did – I actually had someone unfriend me on Facebook as a result of my twittering habits. I was devastated – and then realized it wasn’t a huge deal. We weren’t exactly bffs, you know?
Anyway, I’ve gone back and forth about having the two linked. I’ve disconnected and reconnected my accounts twice now. Ultimately I have them connected right now because without that I just never update my Facebook status. I don’t feel like I have anything to say on Facebook that I wouldn’t say on Twitter – and if I’ve already said it on Twitter, why should I repost the same thing on Facebook?
But I know a number of my friends would never connect their accounts. I understand this too. After all, they are different tools with different purposes. In many cases you have different audiences to consider. There are any number of reasons why you might not have your accounts connected.
Do you have your Facebook and Twitter linked? Why or why not?
Lately
| January 13, 2011 | Filled under Random Thoughts |
I do this thing where I get in my car, put on the music, start singing and/or talking to myself. That’s not new.
What’s new is that I find myself gripped by this conviction that there must be someone in the backseat – on the floor, I mean.
And the horror that fills me can only be dispersed by checking to be sure no one is there. Once. Twice. Sometimes three times.
My fear?
It’s not that they might hurt me.
It’s that they’ve heard me talking to myself and now think I’m crazy.
Or that they’re sick of the song I’m playing.
Honestly.
I don’t get me either.
Goal Setting
| January 6, 2011 | Filled under Random Thoughts |
For some reason (sarcasm font) I am having the worst time adjusting to winter this year. I am still not used to the fact that it’s dark out by 6pm, I am exhausted all the time (except bedtime, then I’m wide awake), and I am so cold I feel like crying about 98% of the time.
Ask my roommate. I can’t remember the last time I took a shower that lasted less than 30 minutes. If I’m out of the shower in 30 minutes it’s because the hot water ran out.
When I sit down to work on my goals for the year and beyond, one thing I keep coming back to is the fact that I never feel refreshed and energetic anymore. But I can’t set a goal that says “wake up feeling refreshed in the mornings.”
Because that’s not a goal. That’s an outcome. A byproduct, if you will, of achieving an actual goal.
Some goals that might result in the desired outcome?
-Do a minimum of 30 minutes of cardio every day for 30 days (0/30)
-Take vitamins every day for 30 days (0/30)
-Drink 54 ounces of water every day for 30 days (0/30)
Part of my problem is that I have set a goal not to drink any soda for an entire month (5/30). I am definitely feeling the lack of caffeine. It didn’t help that I drank 8 diet cokes on NYE as part of a game we were playing (yikes - how do I quantify “moderation” as a specific, measurable goal?). I’m fortunate enough not to be experiencing major withdrawal symptoms this time around, but I think getting through the rest of this week and weekend will definitely help.
So with any luck I’ll kick this winter lull (hopefully soon) and feel a little more human again. The constant feeling of being tired makes me feel like I’m living in fog – not super fun.
Anyway, I’m still working on defining my goals for the year. I only made a few resolutions so I’m taking those and turning them into smaller, clearly defined, quantifiable goals. When I finish, I want to find a way to display them so I can keep looking at them and measuring my progress.
How are you handling this winter? Are you setting goals for the year?
Priorities
| January 4, 2011 | Filled under Random Thoughts |
This year for me is all about re-arranging my priorities. I think if I had one word for 2011 – that would be it.
There are SO MANY things I want to do. Soon. I mean, I hate waiting. Why should I have to wait more? I understand that so much of life is not about my plans and my timing but learning to trust in the Lord’s timing - and I’m working on that. But when you have SO MANY things you want to do it’s hard to feel like none of them will ever happen.
It was in the (very) wee hours of January 1 when JM and I had a conversation that didn’t seem very important at the time, but when I thought about some of the things he said I got to really thinking.
I talk a lot about different goals that I have, but when I look at my life I don’t really see those goals reflected in the way I spend most of my time. Some things I accomplish. Others I don’t.
Something I want to work on this year is making sure the decisions I make on a daily basis reflect my overall goals. I feel tired and stressed out so often and I think if I am careful to prioritize those things that push me toward accomplishing my goals I won’t have that problem so much of the time.
So now that I’ve said that – it’s time to make sure I know what my goals are!
I never thought…
| January 3, 2011 | Filled under Random Thoughts |
I would hear someone at Church say, “2011 is an auspicious year.”
But I did. And I love it.
