Monthly Archives: April 2011
30DC – Kiss and Tell
| April 29, 2011 | Filled under Random Thoughts |
Happy Friday! Today’s challenge topic is totally fitting for the Royal Wedding day, dontcha think?
Day 10 – First Kiss and First Love
The topic of today’s post had me thinking of this song:
My first kiss was pretty awful. I was twelve, and we were playing truth or dare. It was a big thing in my 6th grade class to hide in our playground at recess and play truth or dare. The dare was to french kiss this boy – and there was a huge crowd around, and it was awful. I’m told – because I knew enough to close my eyes and that was about it – that he came at me with his tongue out.
Gag.
My first real kiss wasn’t until years later, in high school – which is a far more reasonable age for such an activity, I might add. I was nervous for the end of the date because I knew it would happen. We had reached that point in the relationship (I’m laughing at how serious this sounds but it was to me at the time). Probably because my first experience had been so disgusting I was not sure how to handle what I knew was coming.
But I honestly don’t remember much about the kiss itself. I’d like to think it was sweet and simple, like every good first kiss should be. All I know is I left that date with a big smile on my face and my parents teased me about it afterwards and I was embarassed that they must have known (oh the horror!).
My first love is such a tender memory. I was a freshman in college. He was an army boy.
Things between us didn’t start out very sweet and love-y (which is a whole other story for another day). But one night we were talking and he said he was going to miss me. And just like that, everything changed.
We were together a year, and he did everything right. He always brought me presents, attempted to learn French for me, and showed up on Thanksgiving to surprise me. We talked about a future together and had a grand plan.
I’m sure you can guess at how that one turned out. That fairy tale didn’t have a romantic ending – at least not for him.
But the transition from my first love into my second is a story that I’m saving for my memoirs. Or maybe it deserves a whole book of its own.
Alright, readers. If it’s not too personal, do tell me all about your first kiss. Do you remember it well? Or are you like me and are kind of fuzzy on the details?
30DC – “Bright Futures All Around”
| April 28, 2011 | Filled under Random Thoughts |
So I watched this awful documentary – so bad I won’t name it, cause I highly don’t recommend it – and one thing that was brought up was the subject of drinking water.
I hate drinking water.
I know a lot of people love water and I wish I understood why. To me, it’s really boring. I think about all of the things I could be drinking and get really frustrated. Water will never live up to the spectacular taste of chocolate milk, for example.
I know water isn’t supposed to be fun or taste as exciting as something like blueberry lemonade, but for me, drinking it is akin to torture. Forget waterboarding me, just make me drink the stuff. Most days I exist in a state of near dehydration because I just plain refuse to drink water instead of diet coke.
But after this documentary I decided I would give water another try. And my body couldn’t have been happier. As soon as I held that bottle up to my mouth, I couldn’t get enough.
It wasn’t about the taste – I ended up chugging all that water so I wouldn’t have to worry about what it tasted like. Which my body really encouraged me to do, and I felt like my mouth was demanding more even when I couldn’t keep going. I was uncomfortably full after the first liter, which is an awful feeling. But it passed quickly and I was ready for more.
Usually I have at least one diet coke at the beginning of my day, sometimes a second one if I’m feeling sleepy a little later in the morning. But I have to report that I did not even REALIZE that I didn’t drink a single diet coke yesterday until sometime in the afternoon. Of course as soon as I came to that realization I wanted one, but I didn’t have one (they were sold out. my willpower isn’t that strong).
So I’m back on the water train again today. I have my nalgene by my side and will be trying to keep that thing full. I’m not sure what I’m expecting to have happen by increasing my water intake but as long as my body keeps acting like this is the best thing that’s ever happened to it, I’ll just keep on.
And now on to our challenge question of the day. Can you tell I’m losing steam a little with this?
Day 9 – The Future.
I feel like we covered this in the 10-year plan. Is there something I’m missing about this question do you think?
I have high hopes for the future. I imagine so many good things – marriage, babies, owning a house, traveling to fun places, taking road trips, experimenting in the kitchen, writing books, meeting cool people, painting and re-painting the rooms in my house, trying new craft projects, discovering new music, serving a mission with my husband, having grandbabies, having an enormous garden, making huge breakfasts, and so forth.
I hope my children will play with my best friends children, that they’ll look out for each other even if they aren’t good friends. I hope they will come to appreciate each other and sit around after we’re gone remembering the Thanksgivings of past years and that time their moms decided to launch yet another hairbrained scheme. I hope my children will turn to one of my best friends when they feel like they can’t talk to me about something.
I hope I won’t have to learn too many things the hard way. I hope I keep pursuing my dreams, and continue to remember what’s most important to me. I know there will be hard times and pain and sorrow, but I really have faith that those thing will be outshined by all the goodness that the future has to offer.
What do you think, readers? Did I miss anything?
30DC – Satisfaction
| April 27, 2011 | Filled under Random Thoughts |
It’s hard to push through a series like this because I wonder if people get really tired of hearing all about me. I know that’s usually what my blog is about but I try to break it up by including some stuff that’s not all “me me me.” But now I’m on it, so here we go!
Day Eight – A Moment I felt the Most Satisfied with my Life
It’s hard to pinpoint just one moment when I felt “the most” satisfied with my life. I often (daily) have moments when I’m really happy with my life and what I’m doing. It’s a great feeling. There are times when I feel the exact opposite, but of course there will always be those days.
But how about a time when I felt so satisfied I just wanted to jump up and down and clap my hands? There have been a few, but I decided to pick one that comes with pictures.
I’ve written about this day before, but it stands out so distinctly in my mind that I’d like to write about it again.
I knew the day was coming, but I never dreamed it would come as soon as it did. That day I came home from work as I always did, and got the mail. There was a package with my name on it in our mailbox. For a minute I had no idea what it could be.
But then it hit me and I knew exactly what it was. My heart was pounding so hard I thought I might pass out.
My hands were shaking as I opened the box. I remember being completely surprised by my reaction. It didn’t make sense to me that I’d react physically to this moment!
But I totally did. I kept taking slow deep breaths to keep myself calm.
I didn’t even know what to do when I held my book in my hands for the first time. All I could think was “It looks like a real book.”
And it was a real book – at long last. After working on it for years it was finally a “real” book that I could hold in my hands and touch. It was incredible and I didn’t know what to do with myself.
I mean, I picked it up, and flipped through it and smelled it and turned it over and over in my hands. It was incredibly surreal to have the finished product in my hand. And even more surreal to be able to sit down and read a book that I’d written.
That moment is what I’m holding on to right now when I really just want to be finished with the sequel. I love this story and the characters and I’m just impatient to reach this moment again! Remembering what it was like to hold my book in my hands is helping me push through.
So there you have it – a Writing Wednesday that fits right into my 30 Day Challenge Series!
Do you have a moment you treasure as one where you felt incredibly satisfied with your life?
30DC – The Scorpion
| April 26, 2011 | Filled under Random Thoughts |
Oh, Tuesday.
I slept too well last night and now I’m all fuzzy. It’s a good problem to have! Anyway, let’s move on.
Day 7 – My Zodiac Sign and Personality
I have a few friends who are all about the zodiac signs and what they mean and how that applies to our daily relationships. Back in high school I really believed that my daily horoscope was an accurate predictor of what my day would hold. Especially on those days when I’d forget to read it and then something horrible would happen and I’d read it later and it would have been warning me to avoid certain personality types or situations and if only I had known beforehand…
And now all I can see are the planets in a row, suggesting it’s best that I slow down – Jack’s Mannequin
But as far as actually believing the position of the stars and planets impacts the minor events in my daily life and/or personality, I don’t think that’s even remotely true. I know those things can impact nature, which consequently may impact me – I’m thinking of tides, for example – but I have a hard time believing I’m in a bad mood just because Saturn is in its second house. But maybe I could be a little bitter that Saturn gets more than one house?
Anyway, I had to look up the qualities of a Scorpio because I don’t remember most of them anymore. I thought to avoid digging through a lot of junk I would check Wikipedia first, but it didn’t have a lot of information about personality on it (which to me says a lot). What I did learn is that Scorpio is a fixed water sign with negative polarity. Not very helpful.
The trouble with water is she’ll always leave you for gravity – Ani DiFranco
Well, I had to branch out a little to find my traits (some interesting reading there). Here are the “strength” keywords I found: Loyal, Passionate, Resourceful, Observant, Dynamic.
All true.
Some other little tidbits about the Scorpio:
“fiercely independent” – check!
“not social butterflies” – false. I love me some alone time, but I’m a sucker for a good party. There’s no hard or fast rule here.
“have an excellent memory” – that’s pretty true. Ask me how many pairs of pants President Chester A. Arthur owned, or why President Polk only served one term. I never used to have to write things down to remember them! Now I have too much going on to play that game, but when times are simpler I am solid.
“known for making money and hiding it, they will not announce it due to to fear that others will take the same route” - okay, this is scary true but not about money. This totally represents my thought process when it comes to buying presents for people. As soon as I buy a gift I immediately assume 8 others have thought of the same thing and I get the anxieties.
“a power hungry, controlling attitude” – false! I’m a good leader, and I will take charge when no one else does – but I’m not gonna fight you over who gets to be in charge. If someone else gets the position, I work to support them.
“excellent at restoring order to a chaotic situation” – true. I am an excellent person to have around in a crisis. Some of my best work comes out of those situations. In the middle of chaos I am calm and methodical. When the situation has resolved and everyone else has moved on, that’s when I have my emotional response.
“all about control, they need to be in control at all times” – hmm. This isn’t untrue, but I think I have a pretty good handle on what needs to be in my control and what doesn’t. I can delegate But this is probably why I hate flying so much!
“The ongoing lesson in life for those born under the Scorpio zodiac signs, is to channel their powerful energy into positive goals and not succumbing to the darker forces in life” – true, true, true. I think this applies to everyone! But all of the traits I’ve listed have corresponding negative aspects. You definitely could be an awful person to be around if you let all of the negatives come out. I’ve learned and still work hard to use my personality traits for good.
So after all my work, and all the things that this description got right about me, do I really think the zodiac is still a bunch of nonsense? Weeeeeeell, kind of. I think when you’re told “this is a description of you” it’s very easy to put yourself in that description. Or to reject it entirely. The truth is somewhere in between. I read through a few other descriptions on that site and found I could just as easily find my personality in those other signs as well.
How do you feel about your zodiac sign? Does it capture you or not at all?
30DC – 30 Things
| April 25, 2011 | Filled under Random Thoughts |
I’m already overwhelmed by this week and it’s barely off to a start.
It was a fabulous weekend full of delightful things (including 5 people I know getting engaged). And given the other events of the weekend – yes, I’m being intentionally vague – I’m giving hugely serious thought to my future plans. And my current ones, let’s be honest.
Day 6 – Write 30 Interesting Things about Yourself.
1. I used to make 101 lists all the freaking time. I love lists. They bring me so much joy. I once made a list of 101 things to do when you’re bored. I have no idea where that is now, but I should write a new one.
2. I slept with the light on until I was 23. I usually wake up in the middle of the night and I used to panic if I woke up in the dark. Now it doesn’t bother me.
3. This isn’t anything new – but I talk to myself all the time. In the car, at my desk, in my room, in the shower. I am constantly afraid of people walking in or seeing me do it and thinking I’m crazy.
4. Cream cheese frosting is one of my greatest weaknesses. I can think of others but I can’t just give them all away now can I?
5. I always hit “no” when Outlook asks if I want to sent a read receipt. I can do this because I’m prompt in responding to every email I get at work. I think it’s rude to request a read receipt because it indicates a lack of trust.
6. I used to be an inch taller than I am now. I believe I got shorter because I gave up yoga.
7. I love my blog, but I have never loved it more than I did on Friday when I got so many amazing responses to my post on Choosing to Live. I was so nervous about that post but I was really touched by the way people reacted to it. That sense of community is what I love so much about the blogging world.
8. I hate when people use “My mom says” as a justification. I know you love your mom. I love my mom. And our moms are saying two contradicting things. Are you going to tell me my mom is wrong cause your mom says so? Are we 6? This is why I google.
9. I snooze for approximately an hour every morning. Setting my alarm for an hour later does not mitigate that situation.
10. I love being at work early, but I am by no means a morning person. I just suffer through it so I can get a good parking space and have that quiet time in the office before everyone else gets there. Then I have time after work to play and enjoy the daylight hours. I think of it as having my cake and eating it too.
11. I can always tell how stressed I am by how clean my home is. When I get overwhelmed, everything just piles up. When I’m happy and things are going well, everything is neat and tidy.
12. I know how to operate a snowblower, which means I also know how to operate a lawn mower. I’m taking that secret to my grave. If FH ever confronts me with this post I will deny it until I turn purple.
13. I’m offended by the number 13 not because of its unlucky connotations, but because it’s an odd number. I don’t care if it is a baker’s dozen. I don’t care for odd numbers at all.
14. My lucky number is the number 14 – cause as a teen I wanted to be that goth kid who had 13 as a lucky number but it was too offensive to me since it was an odd number. Now I expand my lucky number to include any multiple of 7 as I need it.
15. Breakfast is my absolute favorite meal of the day. I would happily eat breakfast foods for every meal all day every day if I could.
16. Though I adore all breakfast foods, the one breakfast that has the most amazing memories for me is piping hot croissants served with hot chocolate. Proust had madelines, I have croissants. And I don’t care how pretentious it sounds, I say croissant the French way. I can’t wait until the twins are old enough for me to make this for them.
17. I am struggling to come up with 30 things about me that are interesting enough to include on this list, but I feel like it should be much easier than that. I think it’s just hard to look at myself from an outside perspective.
18. I sometimes wonder if it would be fun/profitable to be a professional internet stalker. I find out so much information about people on the internet.
19. I am really impatient, but I am good about not showing it. Generally if something doesn’t happen right away, I assume it just won’t ever happen. This is both a good thing and a bad thing. It’s good because I am excited all over again when that thing does eventually happen, but bad because I should really have more faith. And some things are worth waiting for (or at least that’s what I’m told. I can think of only one thing in my life that has proven that cliche to be true. I can think of one more thing that might someday also make it true but I seriously doubt it will (and there I go lacking faith again!)).
20. I’ve decided I want to start couponing because I already believe there’s no reason to buy anything that’s not on sale. Might as well throw in the coupons and get extra savings. But after I decided that, I had a series of other thoughts that led me to the conclusion that I’m just never spending money again. How I went from a good idea to an idea that is completely illogical and unexecutable I can’t even begin to explain – though maybe I should try so you can see exactly how my mind works. I use this as an example because this is the kind of thing I do all the time. The end result will be somewhere in the middle.
21. As noted in number 11, when I get overwhelmed I tend to shut down. I manage to avoid this phenomenon with good planning, but before I realized I had this habit it was really frustrating for me to have all these plans and then fail to actually carry them out when I got overwhelmed.
22. I turn down tickets to the NFL draft every year. Everyone I know right now would make the same choice, but every year I think “maybe next year someone I know will want to do this.” Hasn’t happened yet.
23. After every gift I received for a year and a half was cupcake themed, I have seriously thought twice about declaring my feelings for any given thing. I don’t like to be the kind of person who complains about gifts but I really do stop and think now before I claim to like anything. Just in case.
24. I sometimes have moments where one part of my brain starts thinking really fast and the rest of my brain can’t keep up. It would be really helpful if I could vocalize that train of thought and then play it back later and take notes.
25. I love to be overly organized. I mean full on color-coded, tabbed, labeled, divided, numbered, in alphabetical order, by size, by genre, and by due date. I also feel like if a stranger can’t walk in and look at my system and figure it out within two minutes then it isn’t right.
26. I completely and wholeheartedly believe that clutter is an outward expression of something inside. Be it mental or emotional. See numbers 21 and 11.
27. My idea of a perfect day is one that begins with no plans and ends at an obscene hour of the morning, surrounded by awesome people.
28. If you gave me a million dollars (before or after taxes), I would put it all in savings/responsible investments. If you gave me a billion dollars, I have a far more complicated allocation plan. If you have a billion dollars to give away I highly encourage you to inquire about the details of said plan. You want in, trust me.
29. I don’t actually like being outdoors, but I like so many outdoor activities that I put up with it. Those activities include playing in the rain, floating down rivers, swimming in the ocean, and other such things you really can only do outside.
30. Red Velvet Cake. There, now you have two of my weaknesses. Use them wisely.
Do you know how hard it is to think up 30 things at once? Have you ever made a list like this?
The Cake that Almost Killed Me
| April 22, 2011 | Filled under Random Thoughts |
I realize it is, in fact, in poor taste to post a joke about dying on the same day I post about suicide. I also realize, that it is Friday afternoon and that by now most people are just interested in getting home for the weekend. So I thought I would try to lighten the mood a little by telling you all about the cake that almost ruined me.
A few weeks ago I found this cake on Sprinkle Bakes. You know I have a weakness for peanut butter and chocolate in any combination, so when I saw the Peanut Butter Cup Chocolate Cake Cheesecake I knew I had to make it, and tweeted as much:
The responses were all favorable:
I spent the next few days reading and re-reading the recipe. I studied it over and over getting more excited each time and made a plan of attack. My brother was coming home so I knew I’d have reinforcements in place to help eat it. Everything seemed like it would line up perfectly.
Except for one thing – I was worried about the caramel between the layers. I’m not a huge caramel fan, and wondered if maybe it would be more delicious to have that peanut butter cream cheese frosting in there instead. Still, I figured I would give it a try.
And that was my first mistake.
Anyway, I began with my mise-en-place:
This was well-received by my adoring fans:
With that handled, I moved on to the cheesecake phase:
Good. The chocolate cake came out perfectly too (I don’t have coffee in the house so I subbed hot water for that cup of coffee, and I used dark cocoa cause that’s what I had).
I stacked my layers as directed, returned the cake to the freezer, and went to work.
I came home to frost, and discovered a disaster.
My layers had slipped! I blamed my faulty cake-leveling work. Surely it was just that my cake layers were uneven, right? I did my best to make them level but clearly I just hadn’t done a good enough job of that. So I went to work and pried those layers apart.
It was the most ridiculous, intense process I’ve ever been part of. I was covered in caramel up to my elbows.
The kitchen suffered quite a bit too. But I DID IT!
My cake was level again. Hooray! I called everyone I could think of and proclaimed that I was the Christina Yang of cake. I had literally saved this cake’s life.
But my celebration was short lived. You can see that those layers were now RIDICULOUSLY uneven. Forget a level cake - that thing was a ticking time bomb. And with the caramel in there, I had no way to fix it. I decided just to push on.
Sure enough, an hour later the layers had slipped again. But now I was determined not to let the cake beat me. I flipped it over and cut the chocolate cake so the layers would all be one size. It was better than throwing the whole thing out – but would it look cute?
Not. even. close.
But, remember, I had already declared myself the Christina Yang of cake. I already knew how I would fix this problem:
Much better! And now to garnish!
I happily carted this cake – all 10 pounds of it – to my parents house where we could enjoy it.
And it was absolutely delightful:
Yes, it was a little weird to have the cake and cheesecake layers flipped. But no one knew they were wrong but me. I had my cake and I ate it too. And it was delicious! The cake was everything it should be, and the cheesecake with the peanut butter cups in it was perfect. I didn’t love the caramel, but it worked. And the ganache…just yum.
I wish the story ended there. But do you see what’s happening here? Just take a guess:
It’s not immediately obvious, so if you can see it you deserve a prize. None of us were attentive enough to pick up on it.
(That is, btw, another cake in the background. To add insult to all this injury my mother had also baked a chocolate cake for my brother. Spoiled!)
Anyway, if you guessed that the caramel was melting, you have guessed right.
I toted the cake back to my apartment, only to discover it had one last surprise in store for me:
Yes. That sure is caramel ALL OVER MY CAR.
This cake knew no bounds, I tell you. And I blame the caramel for all of it. If only I had stuck with my original plan of subbing peanut butter frosting for the caramel I believe none of this would have happened.
You’ll be happy to know that I got the last laugh:
Happy Friday!
30DC – Choosing to Live
| April 22, 2011 | Filled under Random Thoughts |
This is a really deep, serious subject for a Friday. I really should have timed this whole thing a little bit better! But I’ll be posting twice today so this won’t be all you get from me today.
Day Five – A Time When You Thought About Ending Your Life
This post is the hardest one I’ve written so far. Because I don’t to hurt anyone, least of all me, I’ve decided I cannot share the details of my pre and early adolescence with the entire internet. Here is what I will say:
I am lucky. I never attempted to end my life. I thought about it, but never ever acted on it. Now I cannot imagine ever thinking that way. I am thankful to be alive, and thankful to be healthy again. I’m a happy, optimistic person today which is something I never ever dreamed I would say about myself. Most importantly, I can recognize the thought patterns and symptoms of my disease and will know right away to seek out help if I find myself feeling that way again. Now that I’ve seen how wonderful life can be on any given day, I never want to feel those things again.
I cannot pinpoint a single event that caused me to “become” depressed – and in truth, that was part of my pain. For a long time I believed I didn’t deserve to be in so much pain because my life was so perfect when I compared it to how bad it could have been. I wasn’t like the people who had “real” problems. Not to make light of my own experience, but had the saying been around when I was in high school, I would have told myself that I just had “white people problems.” But really, we all go through hard times. That level of difficulty is different for everyone, and the threshold for what an individual can “handle” is different as well. We all have different paths to walk and different trials to encounter.
But now I read things that I wrote when I was struggling and don’t even recognize myself. The pain that I felt is very nearly tangible – it drips off the pages of notes and letters and journals that I wrote. It scares me to reflect on myself during that time and know that I never got help even though everyone who loved me tried in any way they knew to reach out to me. I chose my illness, and chose to suffer.
My promise to you is that it gets better. You may never know the reasons why you’re going through what you are, but I can promise you it will not always hurt like this. You will look back on your pain and wonder how you made it through – but I know you will. One day you will not be able to imagine hurting so bad. I also promise you that you can get help. You don’t need to suffer alone. Ask, and keep asking, until you get what you need. I know they don’t pass out awards for being tough, and in that same trend, no one will judge you for needing help.
Alright, readers. Have I told you yet this week that you’re awesome? Cause you are. Thank you for being you.
30DC – Drugs and Alcohol
| April 20, 2011 | Filled under Random Thoughts |
By some miracle this morning I actually turned my light on when my alarm went off the first time. I didn’t really go back to sleep, but I definitely wasn’t awake either.
I had a smoothie in a bowl for breakfast this morning. I told myself it would be just like eating Pinkberry for breakfast if I added some cereal toppings. That was a big fat lie, but it was delicious anyway.
In my mix: spinach, strawberries, chocolate protein powder, vanilla yogurt. Cereal on top (way too much cereal, I’ve gotta say. It was about a cup and I really couldn’t).
Today I’m making quite the announcement on my blog at TheDomesticEmpress.com. It doesn’t really impact the readers of this blog very much, but there will be a few changes happening in the coming weeks. Or months. You know, whenever I get around to it. So check it out if you want to see me be awkward (and totally silent) in a YouTube video.
Day 3 – My Views on Drugs and Alcohol
Oh boy.
I say that because there are so many things that come to mind. I just cringe a little bit thinking about this subject and all I could say. But I picked one and stuck with it.
My view on drugs is pretty clear: I don’t use them. I mean, of course, illegal drugs. Anything prescribed to you by a physician and used according to the prescription is perfectly acceptable. Taking someone else’s prescription meds? Not so much.
When it comes to alcohol, my stance is basically the same. I generally do not consume alcohol.
Let me explain. I never intend to drink alcohol ever again. But I will eat foods that have been prepared with alcohol. And having alcohol at my disposal, I personally have even used it to cook/bake with. Now I won’t go out and buy alcohol to cook with because I don’t actually want to get in the habit of cooking with it since I see it as something unnecessary that I don’t want to spend money on. But if I’m at my parents house and it’s available and the recipe calls for it, I sometimes use it.
But I didn’t always feel this way. You probably already know that I wasn’t born a member of my church. I chose to join it over two years ago and when I did that I gave up drinking. I chose to stop. I won’t go into all the reasons why I made that choice, but I will say that it was a personal one – something I decided was right for me as an individual.
At first my friends were pretty cagey about my decision to stop drinking. Let’s be clear – they’re not out at the bars every night, and as we’ve gotten older the amount of time they spend actually getting drunk has seriously diminished. But still, we go to happy hour from time to time, it’s pretty much the norm to have a drink with dinner if we’re all out, and every now and then there’s a party where no one has any obligations the next day and everyone decides to just have at it (I say we because I’m present, not because I’m participating). I would describe this as pretty average for a group of young professionals.
But since I was one of the people in my group of friends who was always ready to party, I think it was hard for my friends to understand why I would decide to stop drinking. After all, I didn’t have an addiction problem or any medical reasons for stopping. They were also really worried about what I would do while they were drinking. I can’t tell you the number of times people said “It’s not fun to watch other people drink, why would you even want to hang out with us while we do it?” or “I don’t want you to be mad while we’re drinking” or some variation thereof.
But here’s the reality of the situation: It’s only “not fun” to watch other people drink when you didn’t get to choose not to drink. For example, if it’s your turn to be the DD and you’re stuck not drinking while everyone else parties (aka sulking/feeling sorry for yourself) – not fun, and if you weren’t planning to be the driver until you showed up and your pre-designated driver was already drunk, then yeah, you might even be mad about having to change your plans. But if you decide not to drink, you can still have plenty of fun hanging out with drunk people and not drinking.
And no, I don’t sit around casting judgment on people who decide they want to drink. After all, in the past I have been the one yelling for more shots. How can I turn around and judge people for making the same decisions as me? I make a choice not to drink just as much as you make a choice to drink. One of those choices is right for me, the other one isn’t. It’s up to me to decide what I do, and you get to decide what you do.
The only time that line gets crossed is when your decision might take away someone else’s opportunity to decide. Like if you want to drive drunk. Not gonna happen on my watch. I also will not drive a bunch of drunk girls to the beach to skinny dip in the middle of the night. Not that I’m ever asked to do that.
So that’s where I stand. Now it’s your turn: What’s your favorite (non or alcoholic) drink?
The 30 Day Challenge – 10 Years from Now
| April 19, 2011 | Filled under Random Thoughts |
So lately I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my life, what I’m doing with it now, and where I want to go next. Which is why today’s 30 Day Challenge post is kind of awesome.
Day Two – Where I want to be in 10 years.
I am the girl with the plan. When I have a problem I am never the person who comes to you and says “This is broken.” I am almost always the person who says “this is broken, and here are 3 things we can do to fix it.” It comforts me to know that’s how other people see me.
Of course, there are my plans which are mostly just funny quirks that I have. For example, I intend to have twins. Maybe even two sets. We’ll see after Mandy and Katie are born (yes, they are twin girls, and they are already named. FH doesn’t get a say). Will my heart be broken if I don’t end up with twins? Of course not. But my first two children will be named Mandy and Katie – that’s just not up for discussion.
There’s also the fact that I’ve had my wedding planned for years now. I continue to make little revisions here and there, but for the most part it’s pretty much settled. Except for the groom. Psssh, details.
In terms of a “10 year plan” however, I’m far more grounded in reality. Here’s an outline:
- Get married
- Have at least one child (I want more than one, but I will take them one at a time. Unless they decide to come in sets of two)
- Buy a house
- Establish and implement a clear succession plan for my career
- Maintain an active and healthy lifestyle both physically and financially
Each of those bullets has a lot of detail behind it and my goals are actually all quantifiable, measurable goals. But I figured you all were just in it for the executive summary version anyway. Besides, life changes and as I accomplish one or two things on that list my other goals will probably change or adapt to fit my new needs. But as my dreams and aspirations change, these are the points I keep coming back to over and over again. These are the things I can sit down and say, “I want this. Here’s why. Here’s my plan to get there.”
So now it’s your turn. Are you a planner or do you just “let go and let flow” ?
The 30 Day Challenge – Day One
| April 18, 2011 | Filled under Random Thoughts |
I spent this weekend in West Virginia getting my head clear and doing a ton of writing. It was amazing.
This morning I saw the 30 Day Challenge on Katy Widrick’s blog and decided I was in. Not having to come up with topics to blog about for the next 30 days? Yes, please!
Day 1 – The Single Life
Being Single Sucks. And when you’re the only single person in your group of friends you’ve been hanging out with since high school being single REALLY sucks.
And yet? I’ve never been happier. I used to cry ALL THE TIME about being single and how much it hurts to be alone. Because it does – there’s nothing worse than that lonely feeling that comes from being faced with life as an individual rather than as a couple. I would give EVERYTHING to have someone to share my life with and build a future with.
But it’s also really nice not caring how I decorate my space. No one else gets a say in what colors I use. No one can complain about me having popcorn for dinner for the 3rd time this week. No one needs to know if I spend money or how much I spent on…anything. I don’t have to double check if I can go out of town for a weekend, or work around anyone’s schedule for anything.
I’ve stopped waiting to live my life until I have someone to live it with. It used to make me miserable thinking about all the things I “couldn’t do” because I needed to have a husband to do them with. Now I just shrug it off and do it anyway. If I were in charge of the universe, I wouldn’t have done things this way – but since I’m not, I just let it go. I focus on taking care of me, and doing whatever I want/need to do and that helps me.
Also, if we’re being totally honest, I keep myself way too busy to get depressed about being single. That means there are some really ugly times when I find myself alone, and everything is quiet and that’s when I completely break down.
Like when my mom was first diagnosed with cancer. I sat by her hospital bed, alone, watching her sleep and I cried, and cried, and cried thinking about how awful it was that I was going through that whole experience alone. And let me tell you – I have never felt more loved and cared for by everyone around me than I did during that time. It doesn’t matter how amazing your support system is. There is just no substitute for having that person in your life.
Not to mention the guilt. I hear women talk about their grandchildren and I feel like a horrible human being for not giving my mother that experience yet. But I’m that girl who’s had baby fever since she was 12, so I know I’m never rational where babies are involved. All I know is I want them, and I want them right. now.
But I know being married doesn’t solve everything. It doesn’t make everything easier, or better – and in some cases actually makes things more difficult and then there are other problems and trials that arise within the relationship that you would avoid if you weren’t married. I know that it is hard work, and that there are times when you are constantly making an active decision to be married. But I also know that it is completely worth the work and difficulty and even the new kinds of pain and loneliness you encounter. I believe marriage makes you stronger and better. I hope I am lucky enough to have that opportunity someday.
In the meantime, however, I just do my thing. I am able to pour all of myself into whatever I’m doing. I can follow a whim and see where it leads me. I get to hit the snooze button for an hour or more without it bugging anyone else before I finally get out of bed. I never have to worry about what anyone else wants to do if I’m going to be out late or if someone calls me with last minute plans. I can soak up all of these things, knowing that someday I’ll have to give them up. And I’ll do that gladly when the time comes – but for now I’m just gonna keep loving every second of my life.
So yes, being single sucks and I would rather not have to do it. But I’m doing a really good job at it while I have to. I’m making the absolute best of a situation I wish I weren’t in and I think there’s a lot to be said for that. I do what I want, when and how I want to. I’m happy with what I’m doing right now, and most of the time I’m not worried about finding someone.
But if you happen to know some attractive single LDS guys my age and feel like sending them my way, don’t hold back.
