After the funeral, we took some group pictures (and I snapped all those pictures of the church and graveyard. I took pictures of all the relatives’ gravestones too but I won’t burden you with those). Me and all of my cousins:

How happy was I to hand my camera off to my uncle who also shoots with a Canon? Yup, delighted. The cousins’ babies:

Um..well, sort of…here’s the (blurry) winner:

And it sure didn’t last…

Good thing the kids being kids pictures are what I like best, huh? I’d still be out there trying to get them all to hold still and look at me at the same time. Wait…adults don’t even do that…

Anyway, then we changed clothes and got into our cars to take a tour of the “old country.” By which I mean the places my family members grew up. Starting with the little town of Westboro:

You can see that we alone caused the worst traffic jam this town has seen in years, maybe ever, with our caravan (yes, all of those cars belong to our family – or are rented by someone in our family):

The locals were pretty shocked:

Westboro High School, where my grandmother went to school:

My grandmother’s best friend lives here:

This is the farm where my grandfather lived – it has been rebuilt since he grew up, and since then has been renovated and looks like it couldn’t possibly be old enough for my grandfather to have been there. They’ve taken really good care of it:

This is the creek where, legend has it, my grandparents met and used to play:

And this is what’s left of the farm where my grandmother grew up – they tore down most of the buildings to have more room for crops. The house used to stand about here:

And here’s my uncle playing tour guide. He did this at every stop:

This happened more than once – as we were driving, my uncle would point at something next to the road. Sometimes my Mom knew what it was, sometimes she didn’t. And sometimes she added her own thoughts. This might be Uncle Arthur (Lester?)’s farm, but we’re not sure:

Something I found hilarious, but no one else did – the roads here, and apparently in other parts of the country, are labeled with letters. They don’t do that in VA. I’d guess this is why:

And here’s where my mom grew up. The house used to be here:

Here’s the group, looking at the last little building on the farm:

I can’t imagine what it’s like to go home and have your house be gone. But maybe someday I’ll find out. I can see it happening, sadly, in this area. They like to make way for bigger and better.

Anyway…soybeans!

These were from the farm where my aunt grew up. Her house is gone too.

And that concluded our tour of the Old Country. We got these beans through security and now they’re on the kitchen counter at my house. I need to cook them before my mother has a fit.

About halfway through the trip, one of the little boys got sick and we had to stop and shuffle passengers around so his dad could take him home. But the rest of the drive up was fine.

The funeral service was held in the same church my mother and her brother and sister were baptized, and my uncle and aunt were married. The church has its own cemetery where a number of our relatives are buried.

The service was really lovely. The pastor read something that my uncle had written and something all the grandchildren worked on together. It was really touching, and there were a few things that happened that helped us all feel like Nanny had been orchestrating the whole thing.

First of all, the sound system in the church went out a few days before the service. Nanny would have hated it if the service had been too loud – she really didn’t like to be in noisy places or have loud sounds going on around her.

Secondly, we never did manage to find someone to sing. The plan was to play the song “Danny Boy” on a cd player. But as the guests were arriving, my grandmother’s best friend’s grandson came in and suddenly everyone remembered that not only could he sing, but that my grandmother had wanted him to sing at her funeral and had never asked him. So he sang, with essentially no advance warning, and it was beautiful.

After we finished the service at the graveside, we had a lunch that was made by some members of the church congregation and got to visit with some really extended family members that I’ve never met before or hadn’t seen since I was a baby. This was about the time I discovered that my camera battery was dead, so I tore through my suitcase to find the charger. It got to charge for about 5 minutes, but that charge lasted me through taking all the pictures of the church and the sightseeing we did afterwards.

Some more pictures of the church:

The cemetery – and the corn and windmills in the background:

Some plaques inside the church with family members names on them ( anyone named Ebert or Klute) including my grandfather, my mom, and my uncle:

My grandmother’s grave:

The flowers from my office (the birds of paradise):

I got an email from my mother saying she didn’t have anything new to tell me, but that she thought we should move the bridal shower back a few weeks. I consulted with the Queen of the Pirates, who agreed and managed to message everyone on Facebook.

Not even five minutes later my father called to tell me that my grandmother had passed away that morning. I didn’t react like I thought I would – I still felt all exposed and raw, like I had for the past few days, but I didn’t really cry or feel sad. It was just that my hands wouldn’t stop shaking.

Wednesday felt like a caffeine overdose. I just kept going, going, going. I wrote my grandmother’s obituary. I had every intention of leaving work early, but I ended up finishing that hateful spreadsheet instead. I packed, but had to wait up until late to finish my laundry so I only got  few hours of sleep.

Thursday morning we went to the airport. After the man at the ticket counter browbeat my father into getting in a wheelchair, we were whisked into the bowels of the airport where we got to go through the “diamond” security checkpoint. Apparently this is what they do for handicapped patrons and VIP travelers.

Our flight to Detroit was uneventful. We flew from there to Kansas City, where I remembered how much I hate automatic flush toilets. Seriously, worst idea ever. Anyway, we drove to my Aunt and Uncle’s house, arriving just before my other Aunt and Uncle. I got to meet some of my cousins’ children for the first time. That night was full of errands and  running back and forth to the funeral home.

Friday some of my cousins and I went to Kansas where one of my cousins lives so all the kids could run around together.

The road crew had a little bit of fun when they finished rebuilding the bridge.

It was great to see all the kids – and it worked out nicely that the kids are close enough in age to play together so well. Here are just a few of them:

I asked if they would all turn around and look at me…

Not so much…

Take 2…I got a great smile from T!

And my last try…they’re already over it. I’m not fast enough to keep up with these boys!

After some pizza (which was really good, Pizza Hut has a new crust I think) we headed back to Missouri. I had every intention of taking a nap but got caught up in everything that needed to be done before the viewing and funeral. There were more cousins, and my brother, coming in that night just before the viewing and a bunch of details that needed to be figured out. For example, like who would sing at the funeral service.

Despite a few mishaps with dinner, we all managed to get dressed and everyone  made it to the funeral home for the viewing. My grandmother, Nanny, looked wonderful. There were tons of beautiful flowers, and the funeral home had made a video slideshow of pictures that my family had brought so that played on a loop.

After the guests had gone and it was just family left, the funeral director had me and two of my cousins read a Letter from Heaven, and then he played a song that had a very similar message. It was a really moving and beautiful way to end the night.

We all went back to my Aunt and Uncle’s house and I think we all ate more food – that was kind of how we managed to get through the weekend. It was pretty much amazing to have almost every single member of the extended family gathered under the same roof. We don’t get to do that very often, but the spirit you feel when your family is together like that is really amazing.

By the time my head hit the pillow that night I was pretty much done for.

I’m not sure if it’s clear from the picture, but that pumpkin is growing in an azalea bush. For real. No idea how long that one will pan out, because I’m sure the pumpkin will get too heavy and the vine will drop it. But I admire its determination.

That fighter is one of the front yard pumpkins who underwent the crazy bypass procedure I pioneered last month (I bet I didn’t invent it, I just wanted to say that). And now he’s one of two pumpkins in the front – I’m so happy to have them both. No idea what our pumpkin count is up to now – but maybe I should add something on the sidebar so we can track it, hmm?

Anyway, this stubborn little guy cracks me up. He’s determined to exist though – just like I was determined to bring pumpkins into existence by planting them all over the yard. So I think we make a good team. He needs a really, really good name, and I’m starting to run out of those. I’ll have to think it over and get back to you.

But all of these delightful preparations are coupled with an ominous weight on my shoulders.  My grandmother is not well, and no one can be sure how much longer she’ll be with us on this earth. So I may not get to see everyone’s faces when they get to see everything I’ve worked on for the shower – I may be miles and miles away, mourning.  But only time knows the answer to how this will all fit together in the cosmic schedule. We’ve done everything we humanly can to prepare for “the worst”.

I will go radiantly on, preparing those little details that bring me so much joy. I can enjoy them now, and everyone can enjoy them at the shower. Maybe I’ll be there to see all the pieces come together, maybe I won’t. It’s an unknowable outcome that we are walking toward one day at a time. Until then – and even after - there’s no reason I can’t keep going on as planned and finding joy in the journey.

1. My new TV is everything I hoped it would be, and I don’t even have HD cable/blue ray hooked up to it.

2. Spent the entire weekend touristing about with my good friend, Ginevra de’Benci, who came to visit from Utah so she could be there for when I…

3. Made sacred covenants with my Heavenly Father. An experience that is totally worth a full post of its own, but is so beautiful I don’t think words can really do it justice. Maybe some pictures of me afterwards will help you see how I felt.

4. Finally experienced Georgetown Cupcakes and only had to wait in line 20 minutes (ish) to get the cupcakes. They were pretty good.

5. Also finally got to meet my friend C’s amazing boyfriend only to have him propose to her 24 hours later. I know this has nothing to do with me, but I’m still ridiculously happy for her.

6. Um, potatoes. We had so many – and I am so happy that I have yet to run out of them. I have that irrational fear that I’ll just run out – like tomorrow, and I still have a paper grocery bag full of them.

7. Also, pumpkins. Another new one has appeared since the last update and I’m really pleased. Hopefully this means we’ll have at least one to carve for Halloween (1/4 would be a failing grade, but I would be happy with that).

8. I cleaned out my closet this weekend since I had some extra time off on my hands. It’s a wonderful feeling to have all of my stuff in order.

Pictures anyone? Here we go:

The National Cathedral is one of my absolute favorite places in DC. The weather was absolutely perfect when Ginevra and I were there.

I’d never been to the observation gallery before, but it was a great day to do it. The views were spectacular.

The view of the Bishop’s Garden and gazebo from the observation gallery:

The carillon tower from the observation gallery:

The first potato from the garden! (photo by Lady Shutterbug):

Me, doing the “we grew potatoes” happy dance (photo by Lady Shutterbug):

Lady Shutterbug with some baby potatoes:

The chupacabra cucumbers we grew. No stinking idea how they managed to turn orange but I blame the squash/pumpkins nearby and their pollen. They looked like cucumbers inside, but they look mighty frightful on the outside. There’s probably an object lesson there.

The little stowaway we found in our garden (photo by Lady Shutterbug):

I have stopped all twitter updates from being sent to my phone for the time being. And by all I mean 98% because some people I just can’t detach from. Don’t think of this as me not loving you enough to keep your updates from coming to my phone. Think of this as me being WAY TOO clingy and co-dependant with the people I still get updates from. It’s probably not a list you want to be on because that probably means I also stand outside your window and watch you update twitter and nearly pee myself waiting for the text to come.  Gosh, I WISH I had that kind of free time.

I started by stopping updates from people I didn’t know in real life. But then I realized how many people I know use twitter as EITHER an “I updated my blog go see” which I already know because I follow you on google reader and I’m really not any more inclined to think your post was good/interesting/worth reading just because you’re nagging me about reading OR they use it as another place to vent. Seriously, if all you send me (well, twitter) is “this sucks, that sucks, or (insert long string of curse words here)” then I really don’t need that. Sorry you seem to be having a bad time of um…life…but your negative attitude isn’t making things easier/better for you, is it? Cause if it is, you haven’t tweeted about that lately. I seriously want to give out gold stars to people who are always whining/moaning/complaining on twitter and they randomly tweet something nice or happy. So I decided to just get rid of (almost) everyone.

But it’s a scary thing for me to detach from the twitter updates like that since I’m now convinced I will miss out on EVERYTHING important that goes on. Something I know about us – meaning you and everyone else I know in real life – is that we suck at actually communicating. Like I’m 98% more likely to blog or tweet about something important than I am to call up my BFFs and tell them about it. And forget e-mail – I think I know literally 3 people who respond to e-mail with any sort of regularity, when they get around to it, if they feel like it. I actually have better results with “snail mail.”

And maybe I’m just getting old (ha!) but I’m increasingly MORE annoyed with Facebook on a daily basis. If I decline to attend an event I STILL get daily messages from that event creator about the event I have literally NO interest in attending. Seriously, I’m not going to vote for you to do anything if you have to message me EVERY DAY and ask me to vote again. I’m just going to de-friend you. And I’m really sick of mass Facebook messages because when you click reply, the default is “reply all” so I have to read a reply (or just get a notication about the reply) from all 80 of the other people who don’t realize they’re messaging everyone else too. 

I don’t want to come see your girlfriend/boyfriend/sister/cousin/uncle/brother/neighbor’s band perform. I don’t want to vote for you (or some random person you know) to get on the next season of Real World. Maybe I AM really excited about your engagement/pregnancy/new house/new kitten/new puppy/new nose but I’m at the point where I don’t want to tell you because it means getting a notification about EVERYONE ELSE who’s also really excited and posted after me, or posted on something I like. I mean…really? It’s like being punished for doing something nice.

And while we’re doing nice things, be extra nice and make sure to upload your pictures ASAP - so everyone can stop nagging you at parties to upload them - but don’t tag me in them. If I love a picture, I’ll tag myself. If not it ruins my whole day while I have to scramble to untag myself before anyone can see that you posted an ugly picture of me. If you’re not sure if I’ll like it, here’s a clue – I hate 98% of pictures that are taken of me. Yes, yours fits in that category.

And while we’re on the subject, exactly how often does iTunes update their terms and conditions? Because every time I want to buy a song I have to accept new terms and conditions. And I’m 99% sure this has happened to me two days in a row.

For the record, if I can’t read your full post in my google reader, I don’t subscribe to your blog anymore. Also, if you require word verification for me to comment on your blog, I won’t be commenting unless you write something really stellar and literally not one other person has already commented. I don’t care how much spam you get, I promise I get more, I just have a better filter than your word verification. Do you know WHY I won’t play the word verifying game? Because I read your blog at work and our internet, or computers, or whatever I should be blaming are so old that by the time I put in the stupid words, my username, and password so I can take credit for my comment something blinks or fails and I have to do the whole thing all over again. And if you tell me just to wait till I get home to my reliable connection/technology then you’d better not want that comment very badly because I really won’t remember. I love you, but it’s not happening.

Neither is LinkedIn. I’m sure it’s a great networking tool that has awesome potential to get me that perfect job where I get paid millions of dollars but never have to get out of bed before noon, never have to get dressed except when I want to, never have to do anything more than show up and play around on the internet doing whatever I feel like doing, and then leave early to play with my friends after I take a 2.5 hour lunch break to plan what we’ll do when we leave early and where I have a personal assistant at my beck and call but I’m a little too busy with the job I actually have to worry about trying to get recommendations, give recommendations, accept friend requests, and build my “I’m a rockstar so hire me” profile. If you think recruiters have the time to play around on LinkedIn looking for candidates while they’re getting 200 applications for an EA position they posted on Craigslist, you’re pretty much unglued. I’ll get around to accepting your request when I remember (but odds are higher it’s because they just sent me so many e-mails I couldn’t take the pressure anymore) cause I know YOU think it’s important and somewhere inside I see the potential for awesome. I just know it’s not really there yet.

And don’t get me started on the discount luxury goods “members only” websites. I’m not earning you $10 that’s only going to amount to a drop in the bucket for your $200 jeans which, I might add, are not any cheaper because you’re a member. Make the investment and suck it up or skip it all together. Just leave me out of it.

Last but not least, I’m still bitter that the new iPhone update doesn’t actually let you delete things from your gmail account, you’re forced to archive your mail. I hate archiving e-mail, I LIKE deleting things, I don’t need those Facebook/Twitter/LinkedIn reminders hanging around.

Basically, if you thought you could win at the social media game, you can’t ( at least not on my terms). So if you’d like to ostracize me digitally for this, go right ahead. I’m aware I commit about75% of the sins mentioned here so I’ll try to do better.  I’m also aware there are settings to change some of the things I mentioned above but I ranted anyway because that’s what a rant is about.  Probably now you should blog/Facebook/Tweet or something about how I’m totally lame and don’t understand LinkedIn. And then send me an e-mail about it, which I’ll get really angry about and start to respond to and then get distracted by something else and forget.

Anyway, I am in that stage of knowing that a move is imminent where I am dreaming about all of the amazing nesting opportunities that are coming my way. And what’s a good daydream without a little bit of absurdity?  I mean, I think I should probably take a page out of my hero Nicole’s book and try to get Alex to agree to installing a ball pit on our porch (assuming we get one) – or maybe I can take things up a notch and we can actually just have a ball pit instead of a couch. We can arrange the loveseat and chair around it, and then pretend not to notice when people come to visit and are all “but where is your couch?” and we can be all “what are you talking about? just sit in the ball pit.” and it will be awesome because no one will have ever lost bodily fluids in our ball pit unlike the ones at kiddie places.  Except that I think I will at some point really want a couch. Maybe the porch really is the best place.

All ridiculousness aside, I’m daydreaming about the awesomeness which will definitely occur in the apartment. Art projects and craft projects and all sorts of adorable things for decorating with. Maybe if I can’t sell Alex on the idea of a ball pit I can get her in on the idea of a craft nook. Oh my gosh the stellar organization projects that I could get into here are just about making my head explode.

Of course these ideas will really run wild once I can get into the actual dwelling where Alex and I will be living and see what I really have to work with. Until then I can dream and dream some more. And try not to give in to the hardcore Five Guys craving that I’m having because I never actually enjoy burgers after I’ve eaten one, it’s just while I’m eating it that it seems like a good plan. Also I don’t want to lose my parking spot.

I cleaned out my google reader today by unfollowing people who haven’t posted in ages or who I usually just skip over and it feels so good (friends were exempt from the recent posting rule). Next up will be my twitter account and deciding whose updates are worth having  sent to my phone.

For the record, I don’t have any other secrets I’m keeping from you all. Except for where we’re going for the Queen of the Pirates’ bachelorette party, because that’s not really a secret it’s just a surprise.

My TV is en route – allegedly for delivery tomorrow but it’s still in California last time I checked so I’m having trouble believing I’ll actually get it tomorrow. Which is totally fine with me because now I’m paranoid that it will not actually be delivered since no one will be home and I hope they wouldn’t do something so foolish as to leave a TV on my porch. Oh my gosh, but what if they would? (Check, recheck, rerecheck)

I’ve mailed every last invitation for The Queen of the Pirates’ bridal shower and am so happy to have that off my list. The postal service is just not my friend. Now I can focus on more important things like, “how many kinds of baked brie would equal too much baked brie? and how many quiches?”

Additionally, I’ve enjoyed the past few days of solitude while The Empress Dowager and Emperor Emeritus have been away.  I came straight home from work on Monday to bask in the empty house and soak up the quiet. It was totally amazeballs and provided me with a lot of time to just sit and think. I’ve really needed that – like really, really needed it.

So I think I’ll be spending tonight in the quiet again. I will be so spoiled when my parents get home, as much as I love them, it will be a rough adjustment.

I just keep waiting for Thursday night when Holly will get here and my weekend will start. Because this weekend will be so amazing I’m not sure I can stand it.

Actually, the way it happened was I ordered new clothes. And then I thought about how I’ve been planning to buy a new TV for so long and I might as well start researching and comparing. But then I found a good deal which was WAY better than the mental budget I had set for myself. Like %50 better.

So I had to call in an expert because I don’t know about TVs. All of those letters and numbers become jumbled in my head and I honestly don’t care to do the research myself because I will not store that knowledge since it will be outdated in 5 minutes anyway. And so I was happily embracing the fact that this is one of those times when I really need a man in my life when I realized that the “man” I wanted for this situation was actually a girl. Typical.

I consulted B, who is my go-to for tech purchases because she not only stores all of the important information about them but she also is able to convey that to me in a way that makes sense. She knows that when I ask, “does that matter?” I’m not actually asking for a description of why it matters.

So with B’s recommendation and my bank account’s assistance, I bought the TV.

And of course then I was in a panic. Because it wasn’t even 9:30 yet and I had just spent all this money. Because even though I got a good deal, I got a good deal on a TV (HD no less) and a TV still costs as much as a TV costs AND I had just spent money on clothes AND oh my gosh that’s a lot of money for a Monday morning.

But of course, B was right there (well, not literally, she was there on gchat) with me insisting it would be okay because new TVs are awesome incarnate (not her exact words) and naturally E backed her up and reminded me that this was a long-term investment (also not her exact words) and I would not regret it. Which I agreed with but still was feeling panicky  until B said:

 ”everytime i buy a new tv its to celebrate how awesome my life is”

At which point I suddenly felt calm about the whole thing. Because my life is really awesome, especially this week, and I think buying a TV isn’t maybe the most fitting congratulations gift I could get myself for this occasion but it’s still pretty awesome nonetheless.

I can buy a TV and enjoy it because I spent less than what I was planning to spend on a TV, I have the money to do it and so won’t be going into debt to do it, and I don’t have any credit card debt anymore so I don’t have to feel guilty about spending money that I already have on things that I don’t really need but sure would enjoy having. Besides, I am awesome these days and totally deserve a TV to commemorate that.

Also, the TV shows are coming back very soon and it will be great to be able to watch them on my nice new TV from the comfort of my bed. Oh man, snuggling into bed for Criminal Minds? Yes, please.