Yeah, I’m big on the nicknames. I try not to say anything offensive, but you just never know these days. So I gave everyone in my life a nickname so I could talk about them publicly without jeopardizing any future senate campaigns (but heaven help you if you’re a friend of mine and you ever plan to run for office. Not that I think you couldn’t do it, I just know you all have too many skeletons in your closets – mostly because I have some of the same ones in my own closet). Also I don’t want anyone showing up on Google without their permission.

Anyway, here we go:

Little L, aka Baby L, aka His Royal Highness, aka HRH – My tiny, white toy poodle. He’s the light of my life.

The Royal Family

• The Empress Dowager = Mom
• The Emperor Emeritus = Dad
• Prince Regent = Younger Brother

The Lorax Crew

• Lady Shutterbug – She could be Queen, but she has a soft spot in her heart for the title of Lady and possibly always will. Lady Shutterbug is my person (The Meredith to my Christina, if you’re a Grey’s Anatomy fan) and has been since that fateful day where she shared her candy buttons with me at a swim meet. Our bond was cemented through 8th grade gym and several baking mishaps that followed. We stuck together through high school, college, and now – for better and for worse (which sounds like we’re married, but we’re not which some people find hard to believe). She is beginning her career as a highly sought after wedding photographer, though in any occasion you are most likely to find her behind her camera – especially if I’m in front of it.
• The Queen of the Pirates - When her powers are combined with those of Lady Shutterbug and me, we form the triad. We are inseparable in mind and spirit, though we may be separated by many miles. We have been friends since childhood – I think it’s too strong of a coincidence that I also met the Queen of the Pirates at our neighborhood pool, I think it’s fate. The Queen of the Pirates and I are eventually opening an event planning business.
• Princess Mobot – Lady Shutterbug’s biological younger sister. Princess Mobot (her nickname, my title) became part of my life the more time I spent with Lady Shutterbug. She is the younger sister I never had and always wanted. She brings light to our paths and keeps us thinking about our spiritual journeys - wherever they are leading us.
• The Countess of Georgetown – I truly believed the Countess hated me until one day in high school she came to me backstage and asked “Peux ta grandmere faire ca?” (can your grandmother do this?) and then proceeded to do a ridiculous dance.  Perhaps it is a copout to name her after the school she’s going to, but The Countess of Bamas just doesn’t have an elegant ring.
• Countess Diana Prince – I know it’s kind of lame to repeat a title but since they are best friends, I think it works. I met Diana backstage doing high school theater tech work. She has at times referred to me as “her amazon,” a nickname I think captures both my ridiculous height and general ferocity.
• The Tsaritsa of Vienna – Was often mistaken for Lady Shutterbug in high school, much to their mutual chagrin. She came back into our lives after having moved away temporarily to sunnier climes, and we’re so glad to have her back. Especially since she is the mother of the adorable…
• Tsarevna of Vienna – Though still an infant, the Tsarevna has grinned her way into all of our hearts. She is just a doll, and her parents refer to her as “false advertising” because spending time with her makes you think that having a baby is all snuggles and tiny pink blankets.

The boys all did me the favor of making up their own nicknames. I don’t know the context of this nicknaming session, but I just ran with it.

• Sir Bruce Wayne – Bruce Wayne is the Queen of the Pirates’ fiance. He came into my life when he became an important part of hers. Sir Wayne is the strong silent type. He loves to read and play music.
• Sir Clark Kent – Clark is the Countess of Georgetown’s fiance. Again, I met him through her. Sir Kent shares my enjoyment of the Uniqlo brand of clothing, and many other things New York. Competitive sports reach a new level of intensity when Clark Kent is involved.
• Sir Tony Stark – Tony Stark is the professional chef of our group. He used to have more beautiful long hair than every girl in our high school, but he chopped it all. Tony Stark is generally the group playboy. I met him doing theater tech work in high school. He was an actor, but he also did backstage work.
• Sir Bruce Banner -  Bruce was another tech. He did lighting. And he was my physics tutor for a short while. Bruce has a nasty habit of disappearing without much explanation, but he shows up when it matters (usually). He has made our annual Christmas party turkey every year but one.
• Sir Peter Parker is the last on my list of superhero names, but he should get credit for much more seeing as how he was the one who suggested Empress. I often think of Peter Parker as my twin as he was born one day after me (though a year before) and we are very much alike in many ways.  He was the only actor in our group who did not cross the tech crew/actor divide – but we never held it against him.
• Sir Trekkie is Countess Diana Prince’s new husband and therefore has married into all this madness. I haven’t had the opportunity to spend much time with him yet but I’m sure that he must be just wonderful because the Countess has impeccable taste.
• Sir Maverick is so named for his love of a certain movie. Any guesses? Maverick is a year younger than me, but he still ended up in several of my classes in high school. Some of my favorite memories have to do with finding creative ways to wake him up when he fell asleep in class.

New York Roomies

• B - Best friend from college, left us for the greener NoVA pastures.
• t.s. - so called for his degree in English, and because he’s a t.s. elliot fan. We upgraded him and got Chef S instead (no, actually he moved in with his gf).
• Chef S - J’s brother, has a degree from culinary school. Actually lived here with PB+J last year but took some time off before moving back up in February so I still think of him as being new. He also left us for VA, but he’ll be living much further south than everyone.
• Baby C - Miss Jay’s french bulldog, now living with Miss Jay’s Mama in VA

• P - Stands for “Painter girl” which is a lame nickname but fit into my old scheme, now void by the fact that B lives in Virginia. Anyway, P was just accepted to Parsons, which is super exciting! Her cousin is…
• J or Miss Jay - Who goes by female pronouns even though he’s a boy (he started it, not me). He goes to FIT and is the closest thing to a personal stylist I’ve ever had.